Life is No Nintendo Game

Do you ever wake up one day and think...this is my life: what have I done to make a difference? Have I left my mark on the world? Will I be remembered for doing something great, being that person that went the extra mile, impacted people's lives, changed things that could be changed?? Will I learn all I want to learn, go to places not yet traveled, meet those people, do the undone???

I have story in my head. I have had it for years. It is ever changing, with lots of additions and deletions. It is the story of my funeral and how it will play out. Most of the changes, I have to admit are wardrobe related. What will I wear in the casket? Are they bloody well going to put fabulous shoes on my feet to bury me in? Who the heck is going to do my hair & makeup? Are they going to accessorize me properly? Will they remember the glitter? This is the final act in the show...there must be NO mistakes!

I digress. With this story I have of my funeral, it leads me to these thoughts, these actions, this relentless quest.

I wake up every day with a list. Some of it on paper, some in my head. I lay my head on the pillow at night..again, it is swimming with possibility. With dreams & goals, big & small. Throughout my day, my ideas get written on bright orange Post-Its. What if I forget these fabulous ideas?? What if they aren't followed through? Why aren't there just a few more hours in the day? Why can't I just have that extra time to squeak in just one more thing...scratch one more item off my list?

Ever since I was really young, I have been a bit of a freak. I did things normal kids really didn't do. I had a slight baking obsession, starting at about 9 or so (I kept documentation via Diaries). I think I baked or cooked something every single day. Was I bored or subconsciously was I creating my own version of The Food Network? Changing the world, one muffin at a time. Wooing them with fresh baked muffin smells.

Now as an adult, this continues...I would still do it every day if I could. The creating, the aromas, the sheer happiness that comes over me when my sharp knife cuts through a crisp pepper. That is irreplaceable.

But I have grown and changed over the last few years. My passions have budded and flowered into something wonderful. I started running, become more fit than I ever have been, changed my eating, started a new job, created a Facebook group dedicated to inspiring not only myself, but others to get on the right track. It is exciting. I could list a dozen things right now I want to do right now since these changes. This has made my Bucket (list) heavier. There is so much more to accomplish, to create, to change, to better.

I now plan my life out by Beachbody programs and races. That my friend, is a sure sign. I have become not only passionate, but EXTREMELY driven to succeed. I want it all. I can't quite explain how I went from this person I was to who I am now. But I like it. And I don't apologize for it.


I have decided that you only get one shot. You cannot go back and redo things. You have to seize the moment. Be all you can be, do everything in your power to get to your goals. Surround yourself with positive people. You attract what you project. You reap what you sow. That is my theory. And that is how I am living my life.

So when I say I am going to run that marathon, make those 52 Cheesecakes(one of my ideas), play on stage with Bon Jovi, open that dessert store, have my own TFN show, build that wine cellar, rebuild the Pet Cemetery (Laura will get this), rebuild that 68 Cougar, meet you in person, train like a Navy Seal, organize an I See Fit People Event & make those t-shirts, meet John Travolta, design SOMETHING(**whew**..and there is SO much more)...you can be assured I mean it. Wait..I feel a sudden urge to sing Jefferson Starship.

So before those mini vials of glitter come uncorked and scattered at my funeral, there is work to do. There is no second chance.

"I still find each day too short for all the thoughts I want to think, all the walks I want to take, all the books I want to read and all the friends I want to see". ~~~John Burroughs

Be Strong

Be strong. Hold your head high. Suck it up.

My whole life I have been the strong one...always dealing with what life throws at me. Always being the one to keep it together and not freak out, snap like a twig or break into the ugly cry.

Change is a comin'.

My entire life I have been pretty much healthy. No broken bones, not much sickness, no medications for anything. Just basically healthy. Minus the short circuit heart thing.

I have in the last year, changed my entire life around and I am feeling wonderful! I feel fit healthy and where I want to be. I feel like I can do anything most days. I like it. In fact I LOVE it.

But, these past few weeks I have been put mentally and physically to the test. I suffered an injury to my leg 3 weeks previous to a 1/2 marathon, but I still completed the race. Then I spent the next 3 weeks not able to run. That was rough. I felt like someone gave me a precious gift then snatched it from me. Something that meant the world to me and I could no longer have it. I was not dealing well.

I am trying to be patient with this and heal. It is hard. I have the patience of Job with some things, but damn it all, not with this. I want it fixed and wanted it fixed NOW!

Last week after my therapy, I was told sure, you can give it a try. I come home, feeling stellar!! I am flying high..the therapy went so well, and my leg feels superb! My spirits are high and I change into my running clothes and give it a whirl. I am on the treadmill, so I don't get stranded on the highway and I fire the old girl up. I start out with a walk, then break into a slow jog. Then I feel it...the slight burning beginnings, the ITB flipping over my knee and after not 5 minutes I am walking. It is getting worse. I keep going and think maybe I can walk it out. The snapping and flipping continues and I can only go for 7 minutes. I pull the plug. I am done.


I just sit down on my treadmill and cry. I cannot imagine after this being a part of my life now being taken away. I cry harder. Get me some chocolate or some hard liqour, for the love of God.

The next day my leg is worse. I am in supreme pain at work and am basically dragging my gimp leg behind me. I am feeling pathetic. Both inside and out.

I talked to my sister Wanda about the upcoming race in less than 2 weeks. At this point I am not sure if I can walk it let alone run it. Then there is the other 1/2 marathon less that one month away in Nova Scotia. I am not feeling confident about it. I need Jillian screaming in my face right now, "Unless you are dead, passed out or puking, keep going". I chant this over in my head. Jillian, you are a cold hearted snake. I love you.

Two days later I am wrapping my head around this and keeping myself occupied with P90x, because oddly enough I can do that and it doesn't bother my leg. I can DO this. I will heal, I will be better. I will wait.

This week I also had a setback that scared the bejebus outta me. I lost focus in my eyes for about 2 minutes, spent a night at the hospital for testing for a stroke and various other things. A. STROKE. I am sighing heavily as I type this.

I am scared and a thousand thoughts go though my mind. What if I cannot walk or talk, let alone run? What if my kids and family are left with me in a vegetative state? What if I don't live to do all the things I haven't done? My Bucket List is undeniably gargantuan. This cannot happen. I have so much to do, to say, to be.

So today I have decided one thing. I am STILL strong. I can STILL hold my head high. I can STILL suck it up like nobody's business. But it is ok to feel the loss. To mourn for something that means the world to you. For me it is family, life, love, running, health, food and desire. I need them. And I know they need me.

I may not run the race in 2 weeks, but I will walk it if I have to. I may not run the 1/2 marathon, but I will run another one. I don't plan on dropping like a fly anytime soon either. I have plans. Dreams. Goals.

I. Am. Strong.

“It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent that survives. It is the one that is the most adaptable to change.”